Why is the writing in literary essays so turgid?

I wrote a really silly essay. It's called "Is it possible to write a great novel about cats?" It's a swirling meditation on parenthood, cuteness, narrative stakes, and KITTIES. In the manner of all good literary essays, it references Edmund Burke, Proust, Garfield the Cat, Mari, Elmyra from Looney Tunes, Natsume Soeseki, and probably a bunch of other cr…