I really enjoyed your writing and its dimensionality. I mean it’s a story about stories and the stories told within those stories. A metastory? I enjoyed the narrative setting, the characters and how their issues were continuations of patterns previously constructed and then replayed with different people and in different circumstances. I loved your framework approach for how Tom’s problems in particular could be addressed and ultimately how each would inevitably fail him. The deus ex machina of his wife transforming and giving him what he craved yet was afraid to consummate was a captivating way to end what could have become a much longer treatise on the desire for something different, the unwillingness to fully commit to its inevitably messy achievement and the strange but completely common compulsion to sabotage what is supposedly wanted. You have a broad understanding of literature from its earliest beginnings, its various historical transformations up to its most contemporary expressions. Yet you seem at unease and undecided on how to reimagine the human drama, its exterior trajectory, and its boundless interiority. What of all the multitude of approaches available should you use, or should you create one of your own, consciously and self-consciously eroding the very scaffolding through which it’s created. I don’t know but… I have a curious confidence that you will create something enchanting and I wish you great satisfaction in its public acknowledgement.
I really enjoyed this story! It felt like reading a mix between a fairytale and a r/AmITheAsshole post (which are basically all modern fairytales anyway), which is to say gossipy and clear about the frailty of man and very relevant to the Real Moral Dilemmas of the time.
Reading your list of methods for the man to resolve his issues was also very fun, and then on the drive to work today I thought, "Wait a second, we have therapeutic, mythic, legendary, Romantic, and fairytale (he damsels his way into proof of love and a nice vacation), but what about, like... the practical?"
Like, Tom could talk to his wife. Obviously he doesn't want to because 1) it requires a level of emotional self-understanding that he maybe does not have at this point, and 2) it Feels Bad and vulnerable to lay yourself bare and ask for what you need, but to me the obvious solution would be: talk to your wife! Not in the mean way that's easy to dismiss, but like, actually talking.
He needs to open his mouth and tell her that he's feeling insecure in their relationship, and she'll be like, "okay, I really do love you and I don't want you to feel this way, let's have date nights, then." Or she'll open up and she'll be like, "I guess I'm really anxious about work because it's such a high-pressure environment, and I clear my calendar for Dad because he also makes me anxious, but it's not fair to you to keep shitting on our relationship just because it's safe." and she will clear a day or a week for him.
A very wise friend or an actually good therapist would probably listen to his story and say, "Wait a second, so you say mean things because you want your wife to love you more? That seems kind of dumb and counter-productive." And when the inevitable backslides happen even after the date nights and the lovely vacation, he can tell her that he knows he gets passive-aggressive and needles at her and sulks when he's insecure, and after he says a mean thing he can catch himself and go, "Wait, okay, I'm being a brat." or she can go, "OK, well, I still love you, though."
The practical solution would probably not make a very good story (outside of the mature relationship drama type of josei manga, which has somehow managed to make a whole genre out of subtle shifts in communication and emotional connection), so this is not to criticize the story at all! It's a very good story and also 100% absolutely more emotionally satisfying if you connect to Tom at all for him to get the fairytale. I guess I connected to Tom a little too much and now I want to sit him down and give him unsolicited advice.
But does talking about it really work? It just seems like one more way of fighting. They talk, she cries and apologizes, and then it goes back to status quo.
How ironic that I'm preparing an essay on a very similar topic this week. This resonates: "But the inner child thing didn't resonate with him. He felt hemmed in by all this therapy stuff. He didn't want to work on himself. He had too much reflection already. He felt there was no point asking any friends or family for their opinions, because it would always be the same: therapy for him; couples’ counseling for them. Talking, just endless talking."
I know that there has to be some discussion of ethical obligations to a patient not to endlessly string them along, but there is a pretty clear financial incentive for therapists to keep problematizing things, to never say that you're good to go for a while on your own. And I think this ends up sometimes doing more harm than good. There is real value in learning to trust yourself, your instincts, your perception of reality, rather than constantly feeling that you need to "do the work" to peel away implicit bias or other faulty default settings. I'm not sure that going to therapy works toward that goal very purposefully in all cases -- and in that way it feels like going to a chiropractor. You're always going to need your back cracked. Until you decide that you don't.
For a while I only went to therapists who took my insurance, so I got some pretty bad therapy! I feel like my therapists were more lost than me--they didn't really have the sagacity to keep me on the hook =]
I think therapy is mostly just for fun. Nice to have someone to talk to every week. Just an expensive luxury
If I’d had read this story two weeks ago I would have bought the Default World immediately upon seeing it at Octavia Books (despite already spending $32.00 there from Garth Risk-Hallberg’s book signing). Ah well, I will get to it eventually.
I really enjoyed your writing and its dimensionality. I mean it’s a story about stories and the stories told within those stories. A metastory? I enjoyed the narrative setting, the characters and how their issues were continuations of patterns previously constructed and then replayed with different people and in different circumstances. I loved your framework approach for how Tom’s problems in particular could be addressed and ultimately how each would inevitably fail him. The deus ex machina of his wife transforming and giving him what he craved yet was afraid to consummate was a captivating way to end what could have become a much longer treatise on the desire for something different, the unwillingness to fully commit to its inevitably messy achievement and the strange but completely common compulsion to sabotage what is supposedly wanted. You have a broad understanding of literature from its earliest beginnings, its various historical transformations up to its most contemporary expressions. Yet you seem at unease and undecided on how to reimagine the human drama, its exterior trajectory, and its boundless interiority. What of all the multitude of approaches available should you use, or should you create one of your own, consciously and self-consciously eroding the very scaffolding through which it’s created. I don’t know but… I have a curious confidence that you will create something enchanting and I wish you great satisfaction in its public acknowledgement.
This was such a thoughtful comment! Thank you so much!
I really enjoyed this story! It felt like reading a mix between a fairytale and a r/AmITheAsshole post (which are basically all modern fairytales anyway), which is to say gossipy and clear about the frailty of man and very relevant to the Real Moral Dilemmas of the time.
Reading your list of methods for the man to resolve his issues was also very fun, and then on the drive to work today I thought, "Wait a second, we have therapeutic, mythic, legendary, Romantic, and fairytale (he damsels his way into proof of love and a nice vacation), but what about, like... the practical?"
Like, Tom could talk to his wife. Obviously he doesn't want to because 1) it requires a level of emotional self-understanding that he maybe does not have at this point, and 2) it Feels Bad and vulnerable to lay yourself bare and ask for what you need, but to me the obvious solution would be: talk to your wife! Not in the mean way that's easy to dismiss, but like, actually talking.
He needs to open his mouth and tell her that he's feeling insecure in their relationship, and she'll be like, "okay, I really do love you and I don't want you to feel this way, let's have date nights, then." Or she'll open up and she'll be like, "I guess I'm really anxious about work because it's such a high-pressure environment, and I clear my calendar for Dad because he also makes me anxious, but it's not fair to you to keep shitting on our relationship just because it's safe." and she will clear a day or a week for him.
A very wise friend or an actually good therapist would probably listen to his story and say, "Wait a second, so you say mean things because you want your wife to love you more? That seems kind of dumb and counter-productive." And when the inevitable backslides happen even after the date nights and the lovely vacation, he can tell her that he knows he gets passive-aggressive and needles at her and sulks when he's insecure, and after he says a mean thing he can catch himself and go, "Wait, okay, I'm being a brat." or she can go, "OK, well, I still love you, though."
The practical solution would probably not make a very good story (outside of the mature relationship drama type of josei manga, which has somehow managed to make a whole genre out of subtle shifts in communication and emotional connection), so this is not to criticize the story at all! It's a very good story and also 100% absolutely more emotionally satisfying if you connect to Tom at all for him to get the fairytale. I guess I connected to Tom a little too much and now I want to sit him down and give him unsolicited advice.
But does talking about it really work? It just seems like one more way of fighting. They talk, she cries and apologizes, and then it goes back to status quo.
How ironic that I'm preparing an essay on a very similar topic this week. This resonates: "But the inner child thing didn't resonate with him. He felt hemmed in by all this therapy stuff. He didn't want to work on himself. He had too much reflection already. He felt there was no point asking any friends or family for their opinions, because it would always be the same: therapy for him; couples’ counseling for them. Talking, just endless talking."
I know that there has to be some discussion of ethical obligations to a patient not to endlessly string them along, but there is a pretty clear financial incentive for therapists to keep problematizing things, to never say that you're good to go for a while on your own. And I think this ends up sometimes doing more harm than good. There is real value in learning to trust yourself, your instincts, your perception of reality, rather than constantly feeling that you need to "do the work" to peel away implicit bias or other faulty default settings. I'm not sure that going to therapy works toward that goal very purposefully in all cases -- and in that way it feels like going to a chiropractor. You're always going to need your back cracked. Until you decide that you don't.
For a while I only went to therapists who took my insurance, so I got some pretty bad therapy! I feel like my therapists were more lost than me--they didn't really have the sagacity to keep me on the hook =]
I think therapy is mostly just for fun. Nice to have someone to talk to every week. Just an expensive luxury
If I’d had read this story two weeks ago I would have bought the Default World immediately upon seeing it at Octavia Books (despite already spending $32.00 there from Garth Risk-Hallberg’s book signing). Ah well, I will get to it eventually.
I don’t know much about you but that story seemed eerily based on your life. Certain details mesh (the wife with the demanding job).
I loved the story! I read it twice. Much to reflect and ponder upon!
Logic tends to work.
I liked this. Very cool. Congrats on getting published in Lightspeed