Yeah, so this is just the story of my career. Pivot, emerge, sink, rinse, repeat. Refuse to disappear.
I think I’ve run out of pivots, though. I’ve reached the stage where you self-publish because editors can’t be bothered to acknowledge submissions from you, let alone read them. Anyway, I wish we all talked about this more.
"And you’ll need to find yet another group! And while you’re doing it, you tell yourself, “This is the real scene here! All those other people, who are so mainstream, they’re not in the real spot—they’re not doing truly interesting work like we are.” And then you just keep telling that to yourself, until you die."
I laughed out loud reading this part. But it was strangely motivational in a way. In your post on the sad millennial novel, there was a paragraph I really loved: "In my own life, I am much more Perfection than The Ten-Year Affair. I always feel like the next project will somehow change everything. And then I pursue the next project, but it doesn’t really change everything, and I just grow older. It is really the passing of time that changes things, and my life would change regardless of what I did. But I enjoy the illusion of control—the illusion of being self-created."
I thought it would be fun to get a more elaborate look at that idea because it resonated with me so much, and my wish has been answered haha.
I felt like sinking, accepted sinking, publicly declared sinking and quitting... well not writing but this succesful author mirage and all the particular struggles behind it. Not a fan of waiting, sitting on my hands and non-communication, never have been. And frankly, as a complete outsider who was catapulted into and spent a brief time in this world I think all the unspoken norms are quite baffling and unsustainable. Now trying to share the rest of my writing through my own alternative crooked ways. I do think this industry could be run better. Some of the accepted professional norms are just unhinged.
That’s very insightful, Naomi! Though I haven’t experienced said sinking yet (I’m just starting out, so experiencing this very phenomenon would actually mean I’d already achieved something, which I certainly wouldn’t look down upon 😄) I think it’s important to persevere, pivot if the need arises, and keep going
Naomi—Thank you for another wonderful piece about the literary life that is written from a place of reality, grappling with the embarrassing, painful, almost universal struggles most aspiring artists experience but that few are able to discuss honestly. The quest for work and a milieu in which one's life feels meaningful and rewarding is also familiar to many of us who are not "artists" but who are art-adjacent. I've done decent work as an editor and publisher for 40 years, mostly in the fringes of the book industry, and have finally, in the last 8 years. been able to carve out the ideal personal and professional space for myself by building a small, very selective hybrid publisher. Not the same arena as the one you write about, but an emotional trajectory that feels very similar. Please keep writing!
Step 3: get so big that you can come back around and rub it in the old group’s faces; they may never respect you but at least they can fear you.
I say this only half in jest. As you rise in this part of your career arc, Naomi, I wonder how your new fiction will be received a year from now. Three years from now?
Yeah, so this is just the story of my career. Pivot, emerge, sink, rinse, repeat. Refuse to disappear.
I think I’ve run out of pivots, though. I’ve reached the stage where you self-publish because editors can’t be bothered to acknowledge submissions from you, let alone read them. Anyway, I wish we all talked about this more.
"And you’ll need to find yet another group! And while you’re doing it, you tell yourself, “This is the real scene here! All those other people, who are so mainstream, they’re not in the real spot—they’re not doing truly interesting work like we are.” And then you just keep telling that to yourself, until you die."
I laughed out loud reading this part. But it was strangely motivational in a way. In your post on the sad millennial novel, there was a paragraph I really loved: "In my own life, I am much more Perfection than The Ten-Year Affair. I always feel like the next project will somehow change everything. And then I pursue the next project, but it doesn’t really change everything, and I just grow older. It is really the passing of time that changes things, and my life would change regardless of what I did. But I enjoy the illusion of control—the illusion of being self-created."
I thought it would be fun to get a more elaborate look at that idea because it resonated with me so much, and my wish has been answered haha.
Well. This hit hard. And very well-put!
I felt like sinking, accepted sinking, publicly declared sinking and quitting... well not writing but this succesful author mirage and all the particular struggles behind it. Not a fan of waiting, sitting on my hands and non-communication, never have been. And frankly, as a complete outsider who was catapulted into and spent a brief time in this world I think all the unspoken norms are quite baffling and unsustainable. Now trying to share the rest of my writing through my own alternative crooked ways. I do think this industry could be run better. Some of the accepted professional norms are just unhinged.
There’s a lot of things that aren’t fun about getting old, but being around long enough to watch your enemies finally fail is fuckin awesome.
That’s very insightful, Naomi! Though I haven’t experienced said sinking yet (I’m just starting out, so experiencing this very phenomenon would actually mean I’d already achieved something, which I certainly wouldn’t look down upon 😄) I think it’s important to persevere, pivot if the need arises, and keep going
Naomi—Thank you for another wonderful piece about the literary life that is written from a place of reality, grappling with the embarrassing, painful, almost universal struggles most aspiring artists experience but that few are able to discuss honestly. The quest for work and a milieu in which one's life feels meaningful and rewarding is also familiar to many of us who are not "artists" but who are art-adjacent. I've done decent work as an editor and publisher for 40 years, mostly in the fringes of the book industry, and have finally, in the last 8 years. been able to carve out the ideal personal and professional space for myself by building a small, very selective hybrid publisher. Not the same arena as the one you write about, but an emotional trajectory that feels very similar. Please keep writing!
I think you missed step 3!
Step 1: find a new group
Step 2: become a star in that group
Step 3: get so big that you can come back around and rub it in the old group’s faces; they may never respect you but at least they can fear you.
I say this only half in jest. As you rise in this part of your career arc, Naomi, I wonder how your new fiction will be received a year from now. Three years from now?